Here's lookin at you kid.

The days blended so quickly into one continuous day that I wasn't even sure if there ever was a night. I didn't think I could fall, not in a weekend, I hadn't planned on it at least. I figured at the least I would trip and stumble a bit. I tripped before we even got to see eachother for a long period of time, I don't know when I fell. I can tell you when I realized it though. It smacked me so hard I was half expecting to have a plam mark on my face. Once I realized that, then a title wave that felt like I was plunging into an open abyss came over me. My stomach was above my head and it was hard to breathe what is this?

yet to be finished

So it's been a bit since I wrote. I guess this is me checking in, with who? I'm not sure. I just wanted to give someone an up date. Work is shitastic and it's getting to the point where I have no idea why I even go. Sure there's that whole money thing, but eh, it's almost not worth it to work there. My "grandmother" is off her damn rocker, she repeats herself like ever half second three times! Three times at least! Do you have any idea how annoying that is? Any idea??? It's frickin awful. Especially when you make a mistake... thats repeated like a drunk person numerous times, sometimes loud sometimes mummbled sometimes under her breathe. Talk about a pet peeve, because that is DEFINATELY one of my newly aquired ones.

Pulling The Trigger All Wrong.

What does it look like when you fall?

What's the feeling?

How do you know?

If I want to admit it or not, I am getting into something. What's that something? It's a, crushing, exciting and awful feeling. Why? Well, simply because I wasn't expecting to be falling. And I'm not even falling which is the bad part! I am, tripping? Yes, I'm tripping, since in order to fall, you have to trip or at least not be looking where you were going. I know where I was going... I was going to not like him. However that didn't work out correctly, apparently you have no say in what your heart wants.

How did this all happen? I'm so confused.
Hello _________,
Why aren't you disguraging me from liking you? Why don't you say "I have a girlfriend"? I'd stay away, all I ask is for a sraight answer. It was so much simpler when I was in third grade, Note: " Do you like me? Cirlce one and give it back. Yes. No!" It doesn't work like that when you get older. It should though, it's straight to the point. I think I may happen to be in "like" with you, I'm sorry to say I have no say in it. I've been trying to push away this elation that you make me feel when I hear your voice. I try not to sound like I'm dancing on clouds, but you can hear my smile, you can feel my happiness over miles.
You say "come visit me", I'm sorry I don't think I can do that. Despite the fact you haven't seen or heard from your girlfriend it months it isn't fair to her, and it isn't fair to me. You can call me your friend all you want, but it doesn't make my heart feel for you any less. Just because you havent seen your girlfriend in months, it doesn't make her any less your girlfriend. And as much as I'd love to come and visit you and be by you, I'm torn. Do you understand?
You say you like me, and thats lovely. You say you haven't talked with your girlfriend, great. You say, you're not ready for the drama of the break up, so you'll stay together a day longer, a week longer, a month longer....
Maybe I'm not ready for the drama of a realtionship. Even though we seem like a solved puzzle when we're together... Even though neither of us can look at the other directly in the eyes for longer than 1 minute without looking away... Even though we have the same outlook on life... Maybe we were wrong?
Stranger things have happend.


I kind of wish you know all of this. Too bad you never will, I don't want to steal you from anyone. Maybe this wasnt the correct timing for "us" to happen... and perhaps there was never supposed to ever be an "us", just the idea.




What's it look like when you fall?
Can you keep everything in order?
How heavily do things weigh on your heart?
How much can you take?
When's it stop hurting?
How long will it take?
How long are you willing to wait for someone?
Where's this feeling come from?



Give me something, anything......give me your attention. I hope you know, you're pulling the trigger all wrong.