Lately, just blowing shit outta proportion.

Lately I haven't been able to do anything right. Okay maybe saying I haven't been able to do anything right is pushing it... but when it comes to my boyfriend, I just can't do right by him. It's driving me crazy! I say sorry all the time for things I don't think I should be saying sorry for, but I know it will make him happy so I say it. Ugh. Lately though, nothing I have been doing has been right, nothing has been good enough, I don't know what to do. He'll tell me to be 'considerate' of his time. I have tried to be but I guess I haven't tried hard enough. Everyday I'm not with him or I'm going to see him he has to tell me how I wasn't on time and how that makes me inconsiderate.I could understand it the first couple of times but everyday I'm not with him!? It's like hes purposefully trying to push me away or trying to see how much I'll take before I completely loose it. I've gone out to see him on days I wasn't supposed to, I've pissed off my mom I don't even know how many times now by going out there. Yes, I live with my mom and I'm 20, whatever. Anyway I suck at being on time, I know this but why do you have to rub it in my face? Does it make you feel better? BECAUSE it makes me feel like shit. If my mom yells at me to not go out because its late or the weather is bad or whatever, please just don't get mad at me. I just can't take it, those things aren't within my power. How can i be considerate if its raining and my mom doesn't want me on the road? I can call you and text you, which i do, but what if something happened when I'm driving and its raining hella bad with my shitty windshield wipers? Would you feel bad? or would I be inconsiderate for getting into an accident? I want to know! How am I inconsiderate if I text/call you as soon as i find something out? Thats what you asked me to do, and I do it. I just don't know what to do anymore... I'm just tired of feeling like crap when I'm 'inconsiderate of your time'. I'VE BEEN TRYING! I'm not perfect, and I already feel guilty when I do something wrong, why do you have you make it worse? Ugh.