Tear Me Apart And Leave Me Alone.

So it's happening agian. that wonderful rush and thrill that is finding another human that has a brain in their head. However sometimes you can be wrong you can actually be very wrong about a person and not really know it until a while later. Or maybe it's not even that you don't know maybe its more like you don't want to let yourself know until awhile later. Using yourself as a sort of cushioning, everyone does it. I love the feeling of someone knew. I love meeting new people who doesn't? I just hate the let down. It's kind of sad in the end really. I really wish that everyone would just be as fun as they were in the begining as they are in the end... and in that case there would be no end, instead you'd have a lifetime friend.

SILENCE.
Is amazing. It can say a mouth full without a sound. It can make a situation more akward, and make you want to die. OR it can brighten up a day and say everything you ever wanted without one peep. At the moment I'm sitting in the silence that makes a minute last for 5days or longer. The shitty feeling, the weirdness.... its there alright, the only thing thats even filling the void at the moment is the sound of a tv thats not really being watched and the keyboard that is only being typed on because i don't know what to say. Talk about akward!

Loosing My Mind

It's been a long ass time since I last wrote.... and it seems to me that I only write when something is borthering me... which is once again the reason for this ranting....

I thought that when you grew up all the shit from childhood would just go away... I really wish I could just start from scratch. I basically hate all the people that are consistant in my life from childhood. The only reason that these few are so damn consistant is to make my life a living hell.... and at the moment it seems like that is going smashingly for them. I really wish I could just go to school far away and be gone from all this crap. I want to know NO ONE where I go and make new friends. I just want a do-over... I really wish real life were more like video games sometimes... restart... and everything is perfect again.

When I was about 13 I got in a lot of arguements with the girls in my little 8th grade posse... What a load of shit! These girls come back after YEARS to make me want to fucking kill them. I really fucking hate girls for this reason. Girls are so reatrdedly pitty! I want them to keep their mouths shut, keep their tails in between their legs and stay out of my way! AND secrectly I hope they die.... no seriously! I have so much venom, and its just for their pretty little selves. I want them to go back from where they came from.... this is my state....and I really don't want them in it.